Teaching Social Skills: It's About More Than Just Making Friends

One of the most common things parents tell me is, "I just want my child to have a friend."

As a BCBA, I completely understand that feeling.

But when we talk about social skills, we're talking about so much more than friendships. Social skills are the little interactions we use every single day to connect with other people. They're what help us communicate, solve problems, and build relationships over time.

For some children, these skills come naturally. For others, especially many children with autism, they need to be taught just like riding a bike or tying shoes.

The good news? They absolutely can be learned.

Social skills don't start with walking up to another child and saying, "Do you want to play?"

Sometimes they start much smaller.

Maybe it's learning to respond when someone says their name.

Maybe it's looking at someone who's talking to them.

Maybe it's taking turns with a favorite toy instead of grabbing it back.

Maybe it's learning that when another child says, "Stop," we stop.

Those little moments are the building blocks for bigger relationships later on.

One thing I always tell parents is that we don't want children to memorize social "scripts." We want them to actually understand how to interact with other people in real life. That means practicing skills in natural settings—not just talking about them.

At therapy, social skills might look like building a tower together, playing a board game, pretending to run a restaurant, or working through a disagreement over who gets the blue marker. To most kids, it just feels like fun. Behind the scenes, though, we're teaching skills like waiting, sharing, flexible thinking, problem-solving, conversation, and understanding another person's perspective.

And here's something that's important to remember: not every child wants to be the loudest one in the room, and that's okay.

Our goal isn't to turn every child into a social butterfly.

Our goal is to help them communicate in ways that are meaningful to them, build relationships they enjoy, and feel confident navigating everyday social situations.

Progress can sometimes be slow. A child who used to play alone might start sitting next to another child. Then they might share a toy. Eventually, they may begin asking someone to play.

Those moments might seem small from the outside, but to families—and to us—they're huge victories.

Social skills aren't about changing who a child is.

They're about giving them more opportunities to connect with the people around them, in whatever way feels comfortable and authentic to them.

And sometimes, that first smile shared with another child is the beginning of something really special.